Letters

It's a depressing day! It's one of those days where my heart aches for you. I know it's all over, and I'm trying to accept it. Have you seen that episode of how I met your mother where Lily and Marshall start arguing about Lily getting accepted an art school in California? In case you don't recall. Marshall learns this from an answering machine. They argue and they pause their argument through out the episode. Lily at first argues that she was never going to take the summer course. Marshall doesn't want her to go because their wedding is coming. So then Lily says she needs to do it. In the end they say that maybe they shouldn't get married. The argument gets  unpaused and Lily asks Marshall for support. Marshall tells Lily that he wants to support her, but he is scared that Lily will decide that he won't fit in his life after three months of separation. So Marhsall thinks what if those three months will become forever. Marshall asks Lily if she can promise that that won't happen but she can't. Marshall just wants an answer, because he doesn't want to wait three months and then have his heart broken. This episode reminded me of us. You asking me for time. I couldn't do it back then so I didn't give it to you. I fought for you until I saw it wasn't working for you. I stepped away but I had to keep trying and make you see that I loved you. It didn't work you told me I was fighting a loosing battle. So this time I'm letting you take time even if that time becomes forever. Just know  I still love you, even now as I start to let go. I know you don't  know what you want. You tell me you're a mess, and I really couldn't care less. I just want you to be a mess next to me. I understan your reasons and I accept them. I know you think this is me closing the door on any possibility. It's not thou! You don't realize that I gave you an imaginary key that opens the door so you can open it whenever. I'm just closing it so you don't destroy what's left of me. Like I said I know it's all over and I'm trying to accept it.